Originally posted in August 2015 by Social Media Contractors
Peanut butter and jelly, peas and carrots, or yin and yang. However you look at it, finding a complimentary companion is the beginning of a secure relationship. In some cases, two loving companions may enjoy spending all their free time together, doing everything together. In other cases, you may have an ideal partner who lives in another state and who you only see every third weekend. Neither way is wrong, but you will likely fit somewhere in the middle.
This really comes down to ensuring your expectations are on the same page. These expectations may be your definitions of success, thoughts on children, economic goals and quality of life expectations. I am not dismissing chemistry; I think it is very important. However, over a lifetime, chemistry has the potential to ebb and flow. But when you are both on the same page with expectations, it goes a long way.
It is a cliche to say “soul mate,” but I do believe it is possible. Someone who is not only enjoyable to be around but can make you better, to better help you chase your dreams. The danger comes in finding relationships that are enabling in a negative way. This is where it is important that you are comfortable in your own skin first, or at least aware of your challenges and knowing where you want to go.
Finding people who share our expectations and values and who help us appreciate the good, to grow and embrace being the person we can be is where the “soul mate” lives. In some cases this may look like the image of the happy couple in wine commercials, in others it may look completely different.
I am very fortunate to have found my soul mate, on a freighter in Patagonia Chile. We had very basic accommodations but a great adventure. We had horrible food but amazing conversations. For us, realizing that we both embrace experiences more than ‘stuff,’ and quality time together more than image has been enlightening to say the least. But the key is that this common ground is where “soul-mate” values live.
Just as foodies that love 15 course meals and all the fancy trimmings, life may find a cornerstone of common ground. Only you will know what your common ground is and if you don’t, only you can go out and find it. The key is being strong enough, supportive enough, and bold enough to embrace what truly fits for the two of you and not base it on what anyone else thinks or what the TV or modern culture is telling you should want. If you come from a position where you are fairly comfortable in your own skin and you can build and identify your goals together and help one another achieve them, you are golden.
If you find yourself in a position where you are not currently in a great relationship, or in transition, or caught up in a way that life with kids can dictate, take the time to look at what you truly would like in a relationship and start to work towards that. Acknowledge that you are where you are today because of decisions you have made so far and embrace that you are the master of your own future.
Together, these things can help you identify where you want to be and start down the path to obtain it. As I keep preaching, even if you aren’t there today, it doesn’t mean you can’t build a plan to get where you want to be. It is amazing how much you can change your current situation by adjusting your attitude and knowing where you want to be.
This isn’t to say that even great relationships are not without their challenges. On the day I married, my mother said, “Son, marriage is never 50%-50%. It may often feel like 90%-10%, and you both may think you are giving 90%.” There is truth here. Most loving relationships do have their challenges, but if you can find the right fit, the right support and the right chemistry, you have made major strides in building one of the key pillars of a great life.